Many of us have responded with a heavy heart to the news of yet another mass shooting in our country. This time it took place at a Florida high school, and it claimed the lives of at least 17 people. Inevitably, fallout from the incident has brought political waves. Discussions of guns and mental health have taken center stage. While these discussions can be fruitful and necessary, I want to present a gospel-driven response to incidents like this one. By this, I mean events that represent acts of profound evil from unexpected sources. I believe that the gospel of Jesus leads us to an ability not only to evaluate what has happened, but to think through how we move forward.
The Problem Is Within
Discussions of policies are good and necessary, but they do not address the key problem that is presented in the message of Jesus. According to him, the reason people perpetrate evil acts is not simply because of a negative environment or because of tempting opportunities.
It is primarily because of the brokenness and evil inside each one of us. We are all rebels against God. We are all slaves to sin, compelled to do its bidding. Jesus’ message is that the main problem in the world is not weapons, bad parenting, poverty, or any other social structure.
Our main problem is that we are estranged from God and in need of redemption.
While this does not mean that there isn’t value in dealing with societal structures (they can certainly be better or worse, depending on the culture), it does mean that the primary blame does not reside with politicians, gun dealers, or the FBI.
The primary blame goes on the young man who walked into a school and shot people. This was an act of profound evil, and it is a reminder that our biggest problem is not the environment outside of us, but the wickedness within.
This is not meant to lead to a fatalistic attitude. At the same time, gospel-believing Christians should not be shocked by acts of evil, even when they are perpetrated by seemingly-normal people. We all have the capacity for great evil and violence.
Christ Is Our Only Hope
The reason the gospel of Jesus is “good news” is that it not only diagnoses our problem, but it offers hope. It offers Jesus Christ as our only hope. Only he can reconcile us to God and fix what is broken. Only he can fill the void that is left by our estrangement from God.
When we embrace Jesus, we receive not only forgiveness for our sins, but also adoption into the family of God. We also receive the Holy Spirit who leads us and empowers us to win the victory over sin.
In the aftermath of great evil, Christians everywhere should (1) hold more closely to the gospel of Jesus, realizing that we are all lost without him, and (2) boldly proclaim the gospel of Jesus to others. If we are concerned with the evil in the world, then we must point people toward a way to solve the internal problem that brings about this evil.
Our hope is not in a politician, a new policy, or armed security. Our hope is in Christ alone. And, thankfully, this hope that he gives transcends death, so we don’t have to despair of the danger we and our children face in this world.
Communities Create Culture
This point may seem out of step with the first two, but let me explain. The gospel call of Jesus is not simply a call for individuals to personally repent of sin and place their faith in Jesus. It is also a call to repent from our involvement in a perverse generation (Acts 2:40) and to identify with the community of Jesus, which is his church.
In other words, Jesus not only brings us hope for life after death in the family of God, but Jesus brings us right now into his community. And in this community, we love one another, pray for one another, encourage one another, confess our sins to one another, and serve one another.
Those of us who identify with the local church have a calling to create a counter-culture from the world. While the world may celebrate casual sex and divorce, we treasure purity and commitment in the church community. While the world may be filled with disrespect and anti-authoritarianism, we treasure kindness and order and submission to authority in the church community. And while violence may fill the streets in our world, in the church we seek to cultivate an environment of peace, forgiveness, and healthy relationships.
While environment is not a guarantee against acts of evil, it is profoundly important. In our families, in our small groups, in our student ministry, and in all our interactions, Christians have a calling to cultivate an environment that gives people a legitimate alternative to the immorality, violence, and emptiness that our world offers.
We can have no guarantee that we can do anything to stop the next attempted mass shooting. We can—and should try—but we are limited creatures. What we can do is cling to Jesus as our only hope, fight the sin within ourselves, proclaim the gospel call, and cultivate communities where Jesus’ values are treasured and lived out.
A Gospel-Driven Response to School Shootings
By Dan Franklin
Many of us have responded with a heavy heart to the news of yet another mass shooting in our country. This time it took place at a Florida high school, and it claimed the lives of at least 17 people. Inevitably, fallout from the incident has brought political waves. Discussions of guns and mental health have taken center stage. While these discussions can be fruitful and necessary, I want to present a gospel-driven response to incidents like this one. By this, I mean events that represent acts of profound evil from unexpected sources. I believe that the gospel of Jesus leads us to an ability not only to evaluate what has happened, but to think through how we move forward.
The Problem Is Within
Discussions of policies are good and necessary, but they do not address the key problem that is presented in the message of Jesus. According to him, the reason people perpetrate evil acts is not simply because of a negative environment or because of tempting opportunities.
It is primarily because of the brokenness and evil inside each one of us. We are all rebels against God. We are all slaves to sin, compelled to do its bidding. Jesus’ message is that the main problem in the world is not weapons, bad parenting, poverty, or any other social structure.
Our main problem is that we are estranged from God and in need of redemption.
While this does not mean that there isn’t value in dealing with societal structures (they can certainly be better or worse, depending on the culture), it does mean that the primary blame does not reside with politicians, gun dealers, or the FBI.
The primary blame goes on the young man who walked into a school and shot people. This was an act of profound evil, and it is a reminder that our biggest problem is not the environment outside of us, but the wickedness within.
This is not meant to lead to a fatalistic attitude. At the same time, gospel-believing Christians should not be shocked by acts of evil, even when they are perpetrated by seemingly-normal people. We all have the capacity for great evil and violence.
Christ Is Our Only Hope
The reason the gospel of Jesus is “good news” is that it not only diagnoses our problem, but it offers hope. It offers Jesus Christ as our only hope. Only he can reconcile us to God and fix what is broken. Only he can fill the void that is left by our estrangement from God.
When we embrace Jesus, we receive not only forgiveness for our sins, but also adoption into the family of God. We also receive the Holy Spirit who leads us and empowers us to win the victory over sin.
In the aftermath of great evil, Christians everywhere should (1) hold more closely to the gospel of Jesus, realizing that we are all lost without him, and (2) boldly proclaim the gospel of Jesus to others. If we are concerned with the evil in the world, then we must point people toward a way to solve the internal problem that brings about this evil.
Our hope is not in a politician, a new policy, or armed security. Our hope is in Christ alone. And, thankfully, this hope that he gives transcends death, so we don’t have to despair of the danger we and our children face in this world.
Communities Create Culture
This point may seem out of step with the first two, but let me explain. The gospel call of Jesus is not simply a call for individuals to personally repent of sin and place their faith in Jesus. It is also a call to repent from our involvement in a perverse generation (Acts 2:40) and to identify with the community of Jesus, which is his church.
In other words, Jesus not only brings us hope for life after death in the family of God, but Jesus brings us right now into his community. And in this community, we love one another, pray for one another, encourage one another, confess our sins to one another, and serve one another.
Those of us who identify with the local church have a calling to create a counter-culture from the world. While the world may celebrate casual sex and divorce, we treasure purity and commitment in the church community. While the world may be filled with disrespect and anti-authoritarianism, we treasure kindness and order and submission to authority in the church community. And while violence may fill the streets in our world, in the church we seek to cultivate an environment of peace, forgiveness, and healthy relationships.
While environment is not a guarantee against acts of evil, it is profoundly important. In our families, in our small groups, in our student ministry, and in all our interactions, Christians have a calling to cultivate an environment that gives people a legitimate alternative to the immorality, violence, and emptiness that our world offers.
We can have no guarantee that we can do anything to stop the next attempted mass shooting. We can—and should try—but we are limited creatures. What we can do is cling to Jesus as our only hope, fight the sin within ourselves, proclaim the gospel call, and cultivate communities where Jesus’ values are treasured and lived out.
“Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business…” 1 Thessalonians 4:11 NLT
Enjoying a life that is peaceful and quiet, not engrossed in other people’s affairs, is harder today, than ever before.
But in the verse mentioned above, Paul is telling us this is an important concept for us to understand. A life that is rich with quiet moments—not preoccupied with the business of others—is vital for our health.
Paul challenges us to reflect. How quiet is my life?
Do I have moments that are free from all the “noise” of sensory input and stimulation? If not, then how can I?
Sadly, most of us are no longer strolling through the park, stopping “to smell the roses” these days. Instead, we’re rushing to our next activity, stopping briefly to check our Facebook, change our Spotify, or send off a quick text—all while shopping or talking to a friend. We are out of control and missing what we desperately need.
The word “quiet” doesn’t just mean “free from noise.” It also stands for a calm or tranquil environment, free from disturbances or interruptions.
“He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.” Psalm 23:2
Recent studies have shown that this continual shifting of our attention from one activity to another (phone to computer to social media to phone to computer to T.V., etc.) is actually wreaking havoc on our minds.
What do the researchers say we need more of? Quiet.
“Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Come with me … to a quiet place and get some rest.’” Mark 6:30-32
The lure of the Internet, Google, and social media beckons us all day long. I’ve realized my need for a healthier balance.
I want to have a quieter life. I’m asking God to “renew my mind, to what His good and pleasing and perfect will” in this area of my life. (Romans 12:2)
So, I’ve begun to make some changes.
First of all, I’m taking intentional breaks from my phone: from all of the calls, texts, emails and social media. I don’t take it with me everywhere I go. I leave it behind when I can, or when I’m at home I turn it off for periods of time.
I’ve found that when I leave my phone behind, I’m more relaxed and better able to focus on what I’m doing.
I come away from these “sensory sabbaticals” feeling recharged and ready to go!
Another change I’ve made is to limit how often I check my social media each day. Or even how often I reach for my phone. Instead, I look out the window or pray or take a stroll.
Old habits don’t die easily though. As Paul said, we need to have a goal. Just by making a few simple changes in my daily routine, I’ve noticed a big difference in my life. It feels really good.
I encourage you to spend some time this week praying about this area in your life.
What is God speaking to your heart? Where does He want to set you free?
The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. (Psalm 32:8 NLT)
A Quiet Life
“Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business…” 1 Thessalonians 4:11 NLT
Enjoying a life that is peaceful and quiet, not engrossed in other people’s affairs, is harder today, than ever before.
But in the verse mentioned above, Paul is telling us this is an important concept for us to understand. A life that is rich with quiet moments—not preoccupied with the business of others—is vital for our health.
Paul challenges us to reflect. How quiet is my life?
Do I have moments that are free from all the “noise” of sensory input and stimulation? If not, then how can I?
Sadly, most of us are no longer strolling through the park, stopping “to smell the roses” these days. Instead, we’re rushing to our next activity, stopping briefly to check our Facebook, change our Spotify, or send off a quick text—all while shopping or talking to a friend. We are out of control and missing what we desperately need.
The word “quiet” doesn’t just mean “free from noise.” It also stands for a calm or tranquil environment, free from disturbances or interruptions.
“He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.” Psalm 23:2
Recent studies have shown that this continual shifting of our attention from one activity to another (phone to computer to social media to phone to computer to T.V., etc.) is actually wreaking havoc on our minds.
What do the researchers say we need more of? Quiet.
“Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Come with me … to a quiet place and get some rest.’” Mark 6:30-32
The lure of the Internet, Google, and social media beckons us all day long. I’ve realized my need for a healthier balance.
I want to have a quieter life. I’m asking God to “renew my mind, to what His good and pleasing and perfect will” in this area of my life. (Romans 12:2)
So, I’ve begun to make some changes.
First of all, I’m taking intentional breaks from my phone: from all of the calls, texts, emails and social media. I don’t take it with me everywhere I go. I leave it behind when I can, or when I’m at home I turn it off for periods of time.
I’ve found that when I leave my phone behind, I’m more relaxed and better able to focus on what I’m doing.
I come away from these “sensory sabbaticals” feeling recharged and ready to go!
Another change I’ve made is to limit how often I check my social media each day. Or even how often I reach for my phone. Instead, I look out the window or pray or take a stroll.
Old habits don’t die easily though. As Paul said, we need to have a goal. Just by making a few simple changes in my daily routine, I’ve noticed a big difference in my life. It feels really good.
I encourage you to spend some time this week praying about this area in your life.
What is God speaking to your heart? Where does He want to set you free?
The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. (Psalm 32:8 NLT)
Talking about manhood and womanhood can feel daunting in our current culture of outrage. Why tackle this controversial subject when it is certain to bring angst and hurt feelings? Why not instead focus on more central or less explosive topics?
While it is true that the subject of biblical manhood and womanhood is not a central issue of Christian orthodoxy, we need to talk about it. The world is talking incessantly about it, and our culture’s conclusions are leading to confusion and chaos. We are nearing a point when it is politically incorrect to talk about any unique male or female traits. This leaves young men and young women with very little direction when it comes to figuring out where to aim when trying to grow into adult men and adult women.
It may be uncomfortable. It may bring blowback. But we need to talk. If we don’t, then the only remaining voices will be those that lead to chaos and confusion.
We Start with the Bible
As Christians, we start with the Bible. We don’t simply consult the Bible in order to find suggestions or to find support for the views that we’ve already chosen. We start with the Bible by seeking to learn what God’s perfect and sufficient Word says on any given topic. This applies not only when the Scriptural teaching is something that we like (the commands not to judge others), but also when the Scriptural teaching feels jarring and uncomfortable (the prohibitions concerning sex outside of marriage). In other words, in determining our beliefs concerning manhood and womanhood, the Bible is not one of many sources of information. The Bible is the primary—and only authoritative—source of information. Other sources that relate to sociology, psychology, biology, or personal experience all take a backseat to what God has revealed to us.
With that said, Scripture clearly depicts men and women being equal and yet different. Men and women have equality before God because they are all image-bearers (Genesis 1:27) and they all come to salvation by the same path and all receive the same benefits (Galatians 3:28). We are different in not only our anatomy (Genesis 2:20-24), but also in our callings. And Scripture clearly lays out some different commands for men and women in how we relate in marriage (Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18-19, 1 Peter 3:1-7) and the life of the church (1 Timothy 2:8-15, 1 Timothy 3:1-7, 1 Corinthians 11:2-16).
Music and Dance Steps
In 2021 when we read a verse that says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22) or “I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet” (1 Timothy 2:12), we wince. These commands seem to us to be out of step with Scriptural teachings on love and grace and hope and equality. But while we seem strange to people living in the U.S. in 2021, they are fully consistent with the rest of the teaching of Scripture. Eve was created to be a “helper” for Adam (Genesis 2:18). Despite Eve sinning before Adam, Adam is held primarily responsible (Genesis 3:9, Romans 5:17). All the Old Testament priests were men (Exodus 39:41). Every major prophet and minor prophet was a man. All of the apostles were men (Matthew 10:2-4). It seems disingenuous for us to be surprised at commands about headship and submission within marriage, or commands about male leadership in the church, in light of the dominant pattern of male leadership throughout both the Old Testament and the New Testament.
I believe that there is a larger point here. I like to think of it in terms of the music behind the dance steps. The overt passages about how we as men and women behave in marriage and in the church are specific dance steps that God is giving to us. But he is not giving them to us because he is random or sexist. He is giving them to us because they are in keeping with the music that we are all meant to dance to. The commands and the dance steps, but manhood and womanhood are the music. God has beautifully formed us as men and women to work together, bringing our different gifts to the world. When we do so, we participate in a beautiful dance. Women are told to respectfully submit and men are told to lovingly lead because this is how we respond to the music of God-given femininity and masculinity. It is how we become what we were created to be.
Godly Aspirations
The Bible is not a handbook on specific logistics relating to how men and women are to behave in every situation. And we are not given an exhaustive list of masculine and feminine qualities. But we also aren’t given nothing. We are given enough guidance in Scripture to form some ideas about what qualities men and women should each have as aspirational virtues.
So, with this said, what qualities should we encourage women and girls to pursue? I’ll name two:
Nurture. Femininity is beautifully depicted through the care of nurture of children specifically, and then also of people in general. Paul illustrates gentleness by pointing to “a nursing mother cares for her children” (1 Thessalonians 2:7). And Peter speaks of gentleness as a quality of godly women in how they relate to their husbands (1 Peter 3:4). Women bring a beautiful gift to the world when they bring gentle, kind, nurturing in d dangerous and frightening world.
Wisdom. While we are all called to be wise, it may be noteworthy that in the book of Proverbs wisdom is depicted as a woman (Proverbs 8:1-3). And Scripture gives several examples of women who wisely navigate situations that men can’t seem to figure out (Judges 4, Ruth 3, 1 Samuel 25, Matthew 15:21-28). Many have observed that women seem to have an instinctive wisdom in areas where men have blindspots. The world needs this wisdom, and women do well to cultivate this wisdom through Scripture and prayer and through the courage to offer their insights.
And what about qualities that we should encourage men and boys to pursue? Again, I will name two:
Courage. Men not only were the ones entrusted with going into battle throughout the Old Testament, but the idea of courage is biblically associated with men (1 Corinthians 16:13). Courage is not only about physical protection (men—not women—should be the ones entrusted with investigating suspicious noises in the night), but also about the willingness to speak and lead even when there is risk of loss or failure involved.
Respectability. If wives are told to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33), then it makes sense that respectability would be a quality for which men should strive. And this quality is listed as a qualification for elders (1 Timothy 3:2). In short, to be respectable means that a man is taking responsibility instead of remaining in boyhood and hoping for others to take care of things. Respectable men take on adulthood and seek to serve and protect others.
Working Together
Until Jesus returns, the dance between men and women will always be complicated. Because our relationships are marred by the fall (Genesis 3:16), there will be a constant temptation for women to manipulate and for men to dominate. But the fact that there can be a toxic version of masculinity—and femininity—does not mean that there are not real, important, and beautiful differences that God has built into us. And we will not put this beautiful dance on display by ignoring or downplaying our differences. We will put the dance on display when we embrace and celebrate them. And when we do this in our lives, and especially in our marriages, we help to put the gospel of Jesus on center stage for all to see (Ephesians 5:31-32).
We Start with the Bible
As Christians, we start with the Bible. We don’t simply consult the Bible in order to find suggestions or to find support for the views that we’ve already chosen. We start with the Bible by seeking to learn what God’s perfect and sufficient Word says on any given topic. This applies not only when the Scriptural teaching is something that we like (the commands not to judge others), but also when the Scriptural teaching feels jarring and uncomfortable (the prohibitions concerning sex outside of marriage). In other words, in determining our beliefs concerning manhood and womanhood, the Bible is not one of many sources of information. The Bible is the primary—and only authoritative—source of information. Other sources that relate to sociology, psychology, biology, or personal experience all take a backseat to what God has revealed to us.
With that said, Scripture clearly depicts men and women being equal and yet different. Men and women have equality before God because they are all image-bearers (Genesis 1:27) and they all come to salvation by the same path and all receive the same benefits (Galatians 3:28). We are different in not only our anatomy (Genesis 2:20-24), but also in our callings. And Scripture clearly lays out some different commands for men and woman in how we relate in marriage (Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18-19, 1 Peter 3:1-7) and the life of the church (1 Timothy 2:8-15, 1 Timothy 3:1-7, 1 Corinthians 11:2-16).
Music and Dance Steps
In 2021 when we read a verse that says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22) or “I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet” (1 Timothy 2:12), we wince. These commands seem to us to be out of step with Scriptural teachings on love and grace and hope and equality. But while we seem strange to people living in the U.S. in 2021, they are fully consistent with the rest of the teaching of Scripture. Eve was created to be a “helper” for Adam (Genesis 2:18). Despite Eve sinning before Adam, Adam is held primarily responsible (Genesis 3:9, Romans 5:17). All the Old Testament priests were men (Exodus 39:41). Every major prophet and minor prophet was a man. All of the apostles were men (Matthew 10:2-4). It seems disingenuous for us to be surprised at commands about headship and submission within marriage, or commands about male leadership in the church, in light of the dominant pattern of male leadership throughout both the Old Testament and the New Testament.
I believe that there is a larger point here. I like to think of it in terms of the music behind the dance steps. The overt passages about how we as men and women behave in marriage and in the church are specific dance steps that God is giving to us. But he is not giving them to us because he is random or sexist. He is giving them to us because they are in keeping with the music that we are all meant to dance to. The commands and the dance steps, but manhood and womanhood are the music. God has beautifully formed us as men and women to work together, bringing our different gifts to the world. When we do so, we participate in a beautiful dance. Women are told to respectfully submit and men are told to lovingly lead because this is how we respond to the music of God-given femininity and masculinity. It is how we become what we were created to be.
Godly Aspirations
The Bible is not a handbook on specific logistics relating to how men and women are to behave in every situation. And we are not given an exhaustive list of masculine and feminine qualities. But we also aren’t given nothing. We are given enough guidance in Scripture to form some ideas about what qualities men and women should each have as aspirational virtues.
So, with this said, what qualities should we encourage women and girls to pursue? I’ll name two:
Nurture. Femininity is beautifully depicted through the care of nurture of children specifically, and then also of people in general. Paul illustrates gentleness by pointing to “a nursing mother cares for her children” (1 Thessalonians 2:7). And Peter speaks of gentleness as a quality of godly women in how they relate to their husbands (1 Peter 3:4). Women bring a beautiful gift to the world when they bring gentle, kind, nurturing in d dangerous and frightening world.
Wisdom. While we are all called to be wise, it may be noteworthy that in the book of Proverbs wisdom is depicted as a woman (Proverbs 8:1-3). And Scripture gives several examples of women who wisely navigate situations that men can’t seem to figure out (Judges 4, Ruth 3, 1 Samuel 25, Matthew 15:21-28). Many have observed that women seem to have an instinctive wisdom in areas where men have blindspots. The world needs this wisdom, and women do well to cultivate this wisdom through Scripture and prayer and through the courage to offer their insights.
And what about qualities that we should encourage men and boys to pursue? Again, I will name two:
Courage. Men not only were the ones entrusted with going into battle throughout the Old Testament, but the idea of courage is biblically associated with men (1 Corinthians 16:13). Courage is not only about physical protection (men—not women—should be the ones entrusted with investigating suspicious noises in the night), but also about the willingness to speak and lead even when there is risk of loss or failure involved.
Respectability. If wives are told to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33), then it makes sense that respectability would be a quality for which men should strive. And this quality is listed as a qualification for elders (1 Timothy 3:2). In short, to be respectable means that a man is taking responsibility instead of remaining in boyhood and hoping for others to take care of things. Respectable men take on adulthood and seek to serve and protect others.
Working Together
Until Jesus returns, the dance between men and women will always be complicated. Because our relationships are marred by the fall (Genesis 3:16), there will be a constant temptation for women to manipulate and for men to dominate. But the fact that there can be a toxic version of masculinity—and femininity—does not mean that there are not real, important, and beautiful differences that God has built into us. And we will not put this beautiful dance on display by ignoring or downplaying our differences. We will put the dance on display when we embrace and celebrate them. And when we do this in our lives, and especially in our marriages, we help to put the gospel of Jesus on center stage for all to see (Ephesians 5:31-32).
Biblical Manhood and Womanhood
We Need to Talk
Talking about manhood and womanhood can feel daunting in our current culture of outrage. Why tackle this controversial subject when it is certain to bring angst and hurt feelings? Why not instead focus on more central or less explosive topics?
While it is true that the subject of biblical manhood and womanhood is not a central issue of Christian orthodoxy, we need to talk about it. The world is talking incessantly about it, and our culture’s conclusions are leading to confusion and chaos. We are nearing a point when it is politically incorrect to talk about any unique male or female traits. This leaves young men and young women with very little direction when it comes to figuring out where to aim when trying to grow into adult men and adult women.
It may be uncomfortable. It may bring blowback. But we need to talk. If we don’t, then the only remaining voices will be those that lead to chaos and confusion.
We Start with the Bible
As Christians, we start with the Bible. We don’t simply consult the Bible in order to find suggestions or to find support for the views that we’ve already chosen. We start with the Bible by seeking to learn what God’s perfect and sufficient Word says on any given topic. This applies not only when the Scriptural teaching is something that we like (the commands not to judge others), but also when the Scriptural teaching feels jarring and uncomfortable (the prohibitions concerning sex outside of marriage). In other words, in determining our beliefs concerning manhood and womanhood, the Bible is not one of many sources of information. The Bible is the primary—and only authoritative—source of information. Other sources that relate to sociology, psychology, biology, or personal experience all take a backseat to what God has revealed to us.
With that said, Scripture clearly depicts men and women being equal and yet different. Men and women have equality before God because they are all image-bearers (Genesis 1:27) and they all come to salvation by the same path and all receive the same benefits (Galatians 3:28). We are different in not only our anatomy (Genesis 2:20-24), but also in our callings. And Scripture clearly lays out some different commands for men and women in how we relate in marriage (Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18-19, 1 Peter 3:1-7) and the life of the church (1 Timothy 2:8-15, 1 Timothy 3:1-7, 1 Corinthians 11:2-16).
Music and Dance Steps
In 2021 when we read a verse that says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22) or “I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet” (1 Timothy 2:12), we wince. These commands seem to us to be out of step with Scriptural teachings on love and grace and hope and equality. But while we seem strange to people living in the U.S. in 2021, they are fully consistent with the rest of the teaching of Scripture. Eve was created to be a “helper” for Adam (Genesis 2:18). Despite Eve sinning before Adam, Adam is held primarily responsible (Genesis 3:9, Romans 5:17). All the Old Testament priests were men (Exodus 39:41). Every major prophet and minor prophet was a man. All of the apostles were men (Matthew 10:2-4). It seems disingenuous for us to be surprised at commands about headship and submission within marriage, or commands about male leadership in the church, in light of the dominant pattern of male leadership throughout both the Old Testament and the New Testament.
I believe that there is a larger point here. I like to think of it in terms of the music behind the dance steps. The overt passages about how we as men and women behave in marriage and in the church are specific dance steps that God is giving to us. But he is not giving them to us because he is random or sexist. He is giving them to us because they are in keeping with the music that we are all meant to dance to. The commands and the dance steps, but manhood and womanhood are the music. God has beautifully formed us as men and women to work together, bringing our different gifts to the world. When we do so, we participate in a beautiful dance. Women are told to respectfully submit and men are told to lovingly lead because this is how we respond to the music of God-given femininity and masculinity. It is how we become what we were created to be.
Godly Aspirations
The Bible is not a handbook on specific logistics relating to how men and women are to behave in every situation. And we are not given an exhaustive list of masculine and feminine qualities. But we also aren’t given nothing. We are given enough guidance in Scripture to form some ideas about what qualities men and women should each have as aspirational virtues.
So, with this said, what qualities should we encourage women and girls to pursue? I’ll name two:
Nurture. Femininity is beautifully depicted through the care of nurture of children specifically, and then also of people in general. Paul illustrates gentleness by pointing to “a nursing mother cares for her children” (1 Thessalonians 2:7). And Peter speaks of gentleness as a quality of godly women in how they relate to their husbands (1 Peter 3:4). Women bring a beautiful gift to the world when they bring gentle, kind, nurturing in d dangerous and frightening world.
Wisdom. While we are all called to be wise, it may be noteworthy that in the book of Proverbs wisdom is depicted as a woman (Proverbs 8:1-3). And Scripture gives several examples of women who wisely navigate situations that men can’t seem to figure out (Judges 4, Ruth 3, 1 Samuel 25, Matthew 15:21-28). Many have observed that women seem to have an instinctive wisdom in areas where men have blindspots. The world needs this wisdom, and women do well to cultivate this wisdom through Scripture and prayer and through the courage to offer their insights.
And what about qualities that we should encourage men and boys to pursue? Again, I will name two:
Courage. Men not only were the ones entrusted with going into battle throughout the Old Testament, but the idea of courage is biblically associated with men (1 Corinthians 16:13). Courage is not only about physical protection (men—not women—should be the ones entrusted with investigating suspicious noises in the night), but also about the willingness to speak and lead even when there is risk of loss or failure involved.
Respectability. If wives are told to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33), then it makes sense that respectability would be a quality for which men should strive. And this quality is listed as a qualification for elders (1 Timothy 3:2). In short, to be respectable means that a man is taking responsibility instead of remaining in boyhood and hoping for others to take care of things. Respectable men take on adulthood and seek to serve and protect others.
Working Together
Until Jesus returns, the dance between men and women will always be complicated. Because our relationships are marred by the fall (Genesis 3:16), there will be a constant temptation for women to manipulate and for men to dominate. But the fact that there can be a toxic version of masculinity—and femininity—does not mean that there are not real, important, and beautiful differences that God has built into us. And we will not put this beautiful dance on display by ignoring or downplaying our differences. We will put the dance on display when we embrace and celebrate them. And when we do this in our lives, and especially in our marriages, we help to put the gospel of Jesus on center stage for all to see (Ephesians 5:31-32).
We Start with the Bible
As Christians, we start with the Bible. We don’t simply consult the Bible in order to find suggestions or to find support for the views that we’ve already chosen. We start with the Bible by seeking to learn what God’s perfect and sufficient Word says on any given topic. This applies not only when the Scriptural teaching is something that we like (the commands not to judge others), but also when the Scriptural teaching feels jarring and uncomfortable (the prohibitions concerning sex outside of marriage). In other words, in determining our beliefs concerning manhood and womanhood, the Bible is not one of many sources of information. The Bible is the primary—and only authoritative—source of information. Other sources that relate to sociology, psychology, biology, or personal experience all take a backseat to what God has revealed to us.
With that said, Scripture clearly depicts men and women being equal and yet different. Men and women have equality before God because they are all image-bearers (Genesis 1:27) and they all come to salvation by the same path and all receive the same benefits (Galatians 3:28). We are different in not only our anatomy (Genesis 2:20-24), but also in our callings. And Scripture clearly lays out some different commands for men and woman in how we relate in marriage (Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:18-19, 1 Peter 3:1-7) and the life of the church (1 Timothy 2:8-15, 1 Timothy 3:1-7, 1 Corinthians 11:2-16).
Music and Dance Steps
In 2021 when we read a verse that says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22) or “I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet” (1 Timothy 2:12), we wince. These commands seem to us to be out of step with Scriptural teachings on love and grace and hope and equality. But while we seem strange to people living in the U.S. in 2021, they are fully consistent with the rest of the teaching of Scripture. Eve was created to be a “helper” for Adam (Genesis 2:18). Despite Eve sinning before Adam, Adam is held primarily responsible (Genesis 3:9, Romans 5:17). All the Old Testament priests were men (Exodus 39:41). Every major prophet and minor prophet was a man. All of the apostles were men (Matthew 10:2-4). It seems disingenuous for us to be surprised at commands about headship and submission within marriage, or commands about male leadership in the church, in light of the dominant pattern of male leadership throughout both the Old Testament and the New Testament.
I believe that there is a larger point here. I like to think of it in terms of the music behind the dance steps. The overt passages about how we as men and women behave in marriage and in the church are specific dance steps that God is giving to us. But he is not giving them to us because he is random or sexist. He is giving them to us because they are in keeping with the music that we are all meant to dance to. The commands and the dance steps, but manhood and womanhood are the music. God has beautifully formed us as men and women to work together, bringing our different gifts to the world. When we do so, we participate in a beautiful dance. Women are told to respectfully submit and men are told to lovingly lead because this is how we respond to the music of God-given femininity and masculinity. It is how we become what we were created to be.
Godly Aspirations
The Bible is not a handbook on specific logistics relating to how men and women are to behave in every situation. And we are not given an exhaustive list of masculine and feminine qualities. But we also aren’t given nothing. We are given enough guidance in Scripture to form some ideas about what qualities men and women should each have as aspirational virtues.
So, with this said, what qualities should we encourage women and girls to pursue? I’ll name two:
Nurture. Femininity is beautifully depicted through the care of nurture of children specifically, and then also of people in general. Paul illustrates gentleness by pointing to “a nursing mother cares for her children” (1 Thessalonians 2:7). And Peter speaks of gentleness as a quality of godly women in how they relate to their husbands (1 Peter 3:4). Women bring a beautiful gift to the world when they bring gentle, kind, nurturing in d dangerous and frightening world.
Wisdom. While we are all called to be wise, it may be noteworthy that in the book of Proverbs wisdom is depicted as a woman (Proverbs 8:1-3). And Scripture gives several examples of women who wisely navigate situations that men can’t seem to figure out (Judges 4, Ruth 3, 1 Samuel 25, Matthew 15:21-28). Many have observed that women seem to have an instinctive wisdom in areas where men have blindspots. The world needs this wisdom, and women do well to cultivate this wisdom through Scripture and prayer and through the courage to offer their insights.
And what about qualities that we should encourage men and boys to pursue? Again, I will name two:
Courage. Men not only were the ones entrusted with going into battle throughout the Old Testament, but the idea of courage is biblically associated with men (1 Corinthians 16:13). Courage is not only about physical protection (men—not women—should be the ones entrusted with investigating suspicious noises in the night), but also about the willingness to speak and lead even when there is risk of loss or failure involved.
Respectability. If wives are told to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33), then it makes sense that respectability would be a quality for which men should strive. And this quality is listed as a qualification for elders (1 Timothy 3:2). In short, to be respectable means that a man is taking responsibility instead of remaining in boyhood and hoping for others to take care of things. Respectable men take on adulthood and seek to serve and protect others.
Working Together
Until Jesus returns, the dance between men and women will always be complicated. Because our relationships are marred by the fall (Genesis 3:16), there will be a constant temptation for women to manipulate and for men to dominate. But the fact that there can be a toxic version of masculinity—and femininity—does not mean that there are not real, important, and beautiful differences that God has built into us. And we will not put this beautiful dance on display by ignoring or downplaying our differences. We will put the dance on display when we embrace and celebrate them. And when we do this in our lives, and especially in our marriages, we help to put the gospel of Jesus on center stage for all to see (Ephesians 5:31-32).
For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear. They will reject the truth and chase after myths. – 2 Tim. 4:3-4
In some way, we have all been in a situation where we really don’t want to hear or accept the truth. So, we look around for someone who agrees with us, will minimize like us, justify our behavior, or allow us to feel good about ignoring reality.
Our culture does an amazing job at blurring the lines that God has drawn; these lines, created to bring us life and freedom, the world calls limiting, ignorant, bigoted, unreasonable, impractical, or just plain wrong. So, with the hope of being able to do what we want, when we want, with whom we want, whenever we want, our culture says to ignore any outside counsel or source of wisdom, and just “go with your gut,” “follow your heart,” “if it feels good, do it,” and on and on and on. But the more we embrace the philosophy of this world, the more blurred the lines get, and the more the truth is so much harder to find, and listen to.
This societal blurring of the lines is nothing new. This is why Paul had to remind the believers in Rome not to conform, imitate, and take on the attitudes, customs, and behavior of the society around them, but to seek God’s perspective, and allow Him to change their thinking. Political correctness and the desire to not have our culture, social media, and relationships think we are any of the critical and negative things listed above, make it so tempting to allow the lines of truth to be blurred in so many areas. Some of these areas are things like drinking, drugs, attitude, sexual behaviors, absolute truth, gossip, lying, and more. All are things that a culture not seeking true life from God believes will bring them freedom.
Recently there have been shark sightings and encounters at our local beaches in California. The lifeguards have been on watch, letting people know when and where it is safe and when people need to get out of the water. The limits, boundaries, and restrictions are meant to bring life; to keep people from harm. But the limits, boundaries, and restrictions are also meant to bring freedom! When I go to the beach and am in an area that has been deemed safe, I can enjoy the water and have a good time without having to look over my shoulder, questioning whether I should really be there and be nervous about what could happen to me. Alternatively, as I decide to go with my gut, trust my feelings or not allow anyone to restrict what I want to do, I venture out into water that is dangerous and I am actually less free to live as I want to live because now I do have to worry about what is around me, what could harm me, and I end up living less free than I ever wanted.
But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.” I want that veil that blurs the lines of truth to be removed. I want to see how God sees, and be where He calls me to be. It will mean denying myself, and daily taking up my cross to follow Him, but I can live in the assurance of LIFE that He has promised, and the freedom to find joy, not based on my own attempts, but as I allow Christ to be my strength and my guide. – 2 Corinthians 3:16-18
I want the veil that blurs the lines of truth to be removed. I want to see how God sees and be where He calls me to be. It will mean denying myself, and daily taking up my cross to follow Him, but I can live in the assurance of real life that He has promised, and the freedom to find joy, not based on my own attempts, but as I allow Christ to be my strength and my guide.
Blurred Lines
For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear. They will reject the truth and chase after myths. – 2 Tim. 4:3-4
In some way, we have all been in a situation where we really don’t want to hear or accept the truth. So, we look around for someone who agrees with us, will minimize like us, justify our behavior, or allow us to feel good about ignoring reality.
Our culture does an amazing job at blurring the lines that God has drawn; these lines, created to bring us life and freedom, the world calls limiting, ignorant, bigoted, unreasonable, impractical, or just plain wrong. So, with the hope of being able to do what we want, when we want, with whom we want, whenever we want, our culture says to ignore any outside counsel or source of wisdom, and just “go with your gut,” “follow your heart,” “if it feels good, do it,” and on and on and on. But the more we embrace the philosophy of this world, the more blurred the lines get, and the more the truth is so much harder to find, and listen to.
This societal blurring of the lines is nothing new. This is why Paul had to remind the believers in Rome not to conform, imitate, and take on the attitudes, customs, and behavior of the society around them, but to seek God’s perspective, and allow Him to change their thinking. Political correctness and the desire to not have our culture, social media, and relationships think we are any of the critical and negative things listed above, make it so tempting to allow the lines of truth to be blurred in so many areas. Some of these areas are things like drinking, drugs, attitude, sexual behaviors, absolute truth, gossip, lying, and more. All are things that a culture not seeking true life from God believes will bring them freedom.
Recently there have been shark sightings and encounters at our local beaches in California. The lifeguards have been on watch, letting people know when and where it is safe and when people need to get out of the water. The limits, boundaries, and restrictions are meant to bring life; to keep people from harm. But the limits, boundaries, and restrictions are also meant to bring freedom! When I go to the beach and am in an area that has been deemed safe, I can enjoy the water and have a good time without having to look over my shoulder, questioning whether I should really be there and be nervous about what could happen to me. Alternatively, as I decide to go with my gut, trust my feelings or not allow anyone to restrict what I want to do, I venture out into water that is dangerous and I am actually less free to live as I want to live because now I do have to worry about what is around me, what could harm me, and I end up living less free than I ever wanted.
But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.” I want that veil that blurs the lines of truth to be removed. I want to see how God sees, and be where He calls me to be. It will mean denying myself, and daily taking up my cross to follow Him, but I can live in the assurance of LIFE that He has promised, and the freedom to find joy, not based on my own attempts, but as I allow Christ to be my strength and my guide. – 2 Corinthians 3:16-18
I want the veil that blurs the lines of truth to be removed. I want to see how God sees and be where He calls me to be. It will mean denying myself, and daily taking up my cross to follow Him, but I can live in the assurance of real life that He has promised, and the freedom to find joy, not based on my own attempts, but as I allow Christ to be my strength and my guide.
Ephesians 6:4 calls parents to bring children up “in the training and instruction of the Lord.” This verse articulates the high calling for Christian parents to raise children not simply to help them be successful financially, socially, and physically, but to facilitate their spiritual growth.
To bring children up in the training and instruction of the Lord requires more than for parents to put one more item on their to-do list. It requires a rethinking of the kind of family culture that is bring created. The vision is to create a family culture that places Jesus Christ on center stage. Instead of making Jesus a semi-frequently used mascot for the family, Jesus should be at the center of family life.
In this post I will briefly examine three ways to cultivate a Christ-centered family culture.
Make Church a Priority
It is 100% true that God doesn’t live at the church. He is much bigger than any building or organization. But it is also 100% true that the New Testament knows nothing of Christians who are not committed to the local church. One of the key marks of a Christ-centered life is church involvement. So one of the key marks for a Christ-centered family culture is church commitment and involvement.
Kids are insightful. They pick up on the priorities and attitudes of their parents more than we might think they do. If the church is treated as an opt-in association that exists in order to bring helpful resources when we decide we want them, then our children will likely not see a deep need for the church. But if the church is treated as the family with whom we are walking with Jesus and living out his mission, then we set up our children to love and value the church.
Nobody has a perfect attendance record on Sunday mornings. And the goal is not to keep stats. But if Sunday church attendance is optional and occasional, this will communicate a low priority of the church to our children. It is worthwhile for those of us who are parents to pause and consider how many times we’ve attended Sunday services during the past three months. Our perception might be that we are committed to our church. But if we find that we are attending services only 1-2 times per month, this indicates that our commitment is low.
But attendance is just the starting point. Scripture teaches that each believer is given spiritual gifts for the good of the church family (1 Corinthians 12:7). Kids need to see their parents using their gifts (teaching Sunday school, serving as a greeter, helping with set-up, using musical gifts). And kids need to be encouraged to start serving and using their own gifts. While it may not be reasonable to think that a 4 year-old will be using their spiritual gifts to serve the church, a child of 12 or 13 is much more capable of this. Rather than expecting our children to suddenly have a vision for the serving the church family when they turn 18, we are wise to being encouraging our kids to use their gifts. It helps them to see that they matter to the church family and that they can see God work through them.
One last note. Consider how often you pray for your church family. Consider setting aside time to do this at least once per week. Consider spending time on Saturday night praying for the services that will take place the next day. Pray for God’s preparation for your own hearts and for God to work in the lives of those who will hear the Word of God.
Maximize Your Routine
Every family has routines. A morning routine might involve breakfast, getting dressed, and brushing teeth. And evening routine might involve dinner, story time, and (once again) brushing teeth. Not every family has dozens of rock-solid routines, but every family definitely has routines.
Since routines are a part of family life, we are wise if we use routines to place Jesus at the center of our family culture. In Deuteronomy 6:6-7 Moses writes to Jewish parents, “These commands that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Moses encourages the idea that parents would be teaching God’s commands to their children throughout the routines of the day.
Children are very responsive to routines. This presents challenges when we want to shake things up. But this also provides an advantage when we want to normalize a positive habit. Dinner time can become the time when you read from the Bible. Bedtime can be the time for prayer. The morning can be a time for Scripture memory or singing worship songs. Wisely consider how you can maximize routine as a way of impacting your family culture for Jesus.
One last note. Consider also your family mantras. What are they? Do you always say, “Work hard and it will pay off”? Good. But consider mantras that will overtly point them to Jesus. What if years from now your kids could say, “Mom and Dad would always tell me that I will never regret trusting Jesus,” or “Mom and Dad always used to say that God loves me not just when I behave well, but even when I fail him”? Don’t underestimate the impact of the phrases and sentences that you say over and over again.
Seek Out Community
It’s hard to eat healthy if everyone around you is scarfing down donuts and beer. But if you surround yourself with healthy people, eating well becomes much easier.
It’s hard to place Jesus at the center of family life when you feel like you’re the only one doing this. But if you surround yourself with people who have those same priorities, you lessen the burden.
As you look to place Jesus at the center of your family culture, look for families who are working to do the same thing. Look for them in your small group, in your Bible study, and in casual conversations. Look for families who will reinforce to your kids what you are trying to teach them in your home. And look for other couples who will encourage you along the way as you look to place Jesus on center stage in your family.
And when you find those families, be willing to sacrifice other time commitments in order to prioritize them. Be willing to do fewer kid sports, fewer movie nights, and fewer music lessons. Even be willing to sacrifice a formal church activity. If you are involved in 3-4 Bible studies, be willing to give some of them up so that you have time to experience fellowship and togetherness with other families who are walking with Jesus.
One more note. If you’re having trouble finding families like this, make it a point of daily prayer that God will bring these people into your life.
Christ-Centered Family Culture
Christ-Centered Family Culture
Ephesians 6:4 calls parents to bring children up “in the training and instruction of the Lord.” This verse articulates the high calling for Christian parents to raise children not simply to help them be successful financially, socially, and physically, but to facilitate their spiritual growth.
To bring children up in the training and instruction of the Lord requires more than for parents to put one more item on their to-do list. It requires a rethinking of the kind of family culture that is bring created. The vision is to create a family culture that places Jesus Christ on center stage. Instead of making Jesus a semi-frequently used mascot for the family, Jesus should be at the center of family life.
In this post I will briefly examine three ways to cultivate a Christ-centered family culture.
Make Church a Priority
It is 100% true that God doesn’t live at the church. He is much bigger than any building or organization. But it is also 100% true that the New Testament knows nothing of Christians who are not committed to the local church. One of the key marks of a Christ-centered life is church involvement. So one of the key marks for a Christ-centered family culture is church commitment and involvement.
Kids are insightful. They pick up on the priorities and attitudes of their parents more than we might think they do. If the church is treated as an opt-in association that exists in order to bring helpful resources when we decide we want them, then our children will likely not see a deep need for the church. But if the church is treated as the family with whom we are walking with Jesus and living out his mission, then we set up our children to love and value the church.
Nobody has a perfect attendance record on Sunday mornings. And the goal is not to keep stats. But if Sunday church attendance is optional and occasional, this will communicate a low priority of the church to our children. It is worthwhile for those of us who are parents to pause and consider how many times we’ve attended Sunday services during the past three months. Our perception might be that we are committed to our church. But if we find that we are attending services only 1-2 times per month, this indicates that our commitment is low.
But attendance is just the starting point. Scripture teaches that each believer is given spiritual gifts for the good of the church family (1 Corinthians 12:7). Kids need to see their parents using their gifts (teaching Sunday school, serving as a greeter, helping with set-up, using musical gifts). And kids need to be encouraged to start serving and using their own gifts. While it may not be reasonable to think that a 4 year-old will be using their spiritual gifts to serve the church, a child of 12 or 13 is much more capable of this. Rather than expecting our children to suddenly have a vision for the serving the church family when they turn 18, we are wise to being encouraging our kids to use their gifts. It helps them to see that they matter to the church family and that they can see God work through them.
One last note. Consider how often you pray for your church family. Consider setting aside time to do this at least once per week. Consider spending time on Saturday night praying for the services that will take place the next day. Pray for God’s preparation for your own hearts and for God to work in the lives of those who will hear the Word of God.
Maximize Your Routine
Every family has routines. A morning routine might involve breakfast, getting dressed, and brushing teeth. And evening routine might involve dinner, story time, and (once again) brushing teeth. Not every family has dozens of rock-solid routines, but every family definitely has routines.
Since routines are a part of family life, we are wise if we use routines to place Jesus at the center of our family culture. In Deuteronomy 6:6-7 Moses writes to Jewish parents, “These commands that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Moses encourages the idea that parents would be teaching God’s commands to their children throughout the routines of the day.
Children are very responsive to routines. This presents challenges when we want to shake things up. But this also provides an advantage when we want to normalize a positive habit. Dinner time can become the time when you read from the Bible. Bedtime can be the time for prayer. The morning can be a time for Scripture memory or singing worship songs. Wisely consider how you can maximize routine as a way of impacting your family culture for Jesus.
One last note. Consider also your family mantras. What are they? Do you always say, “Work hard and it will pay off”? Good. But consider mantras that will overtly point them to Jesus. What if years from now your kids could say, “Mom and Dad would always tell me that I will never regret trusting Jesus,” or “Mom and Dad always used to say that God loves me not just when I behave well, but even when I fail him”? Don’t underestimate the impact of the phrases and sentences that you say over and over again.
Seek Out Community
It’s hard to eat healthy if everyone around you is scarfing down donuts and beer. But if you surround yourself with healthy people, eating well becomes much easier.
It’s hard to place Jesus at the center of family life when you feel like you’re the only one doing this. But if you surround yourself with people who have those same priorities, you lessen the burden.
As you look to place Jesus at the center of your family culture, look for families who are working to do the same thing. Look for them in your small group, in your Bible study, and in casual conversations. Look for families who will reinforce to your kids what you are trying to teach them in your home. And look for other couples who will encourage you along the way as you look to place Jesus on center stage in your family.
And when you find those families, be willing to sacrifice other time commitments in order to prioritize them. Be willing to do fewer kid sports, fewer movie nights, and fewer music lessons. Even be willing to sacrifice a formal church activity. If you are involved in 3-4 Bible studies, be willing to give some of them up so that you have time to experience fellowship and togetherness with other families who are walking with Jesus.
One more note. If you’re having trouble finding families like this, make it a point of daily prayer that God will bring these people into your life.
Conquering Temptation With a Little Help from a Friend
By Pastor Gary Keith
Our church recently invited a nationally known speaker to come and share a message to the men at a breakfast. He did a great job. He was funny and inspiring and challenging. He shared from his life experience in ways that men could easily relate to. It was a great morning.
I had the privilege of meeting him for breakfast the day before. We had a great time getting to know each other. During our time together he asked me a thought-provoking question. He asked how he could make a lasting impact on the men he speaks to.
He realized that as he travels from place to place and speaks, that most men would only remember about 7% of what he said the next day. And the reality is probably most of the men will not make any life-changing decisions as a result.
My answer to him reflected my own experience.
I was raised in a church setting. I went to church twice on Sunday and every Wednesday night. That’s just what our family did. No doubt this has influenced my life. I became a Christian while I was young and I learned how to follow Jesus in this church. But there was a point in my life when I had to assess what influenced my life more. Was it listening to weekly sermons and special speakers or being in an intentional relationship with other men focused on growing in my faith?
As I gave an answer to our speaker at that breakfast, it was clear that my life was most affected by connecting with other men in an ongoing intentional relationship focused on growing as a Christian.
I didn’t know how he would respond to that answer but to my surprise, he also talked about his life and about how he regularly meets with two other men for the purpose of Christian accountability.
Before I go any further let me say, I would never stop the intake of great preaching or listening to great speakers teaching me and inspiring me to walk the walk of faith. But I can easily trace significant life transformation to my times with a very small group of men who I meet with on a regular basis.
These are men with whom a trusted relationship has been built. Men who are different from me. Men who are as committed to spiritual growth as I am. Men who I can count on in times of need, spiritual or otherwise. Men who will pray with me and I with them about real life issues. Men who are willing to ask me the hard questions that I need to be asked.
There are several passages of scripture that support this type of relationship.
For example, Hebrews 10:24 says, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” I Thessalonians 5:11 says to, “…encourage one another and build each other up…” And lastly a very familiar one from Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 that says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; if one falls down, his friend can help him up…”
Find Someone.
Let me encourage you to find a friend or two with whom you can build an intentional relationship designed to help you remain faithful to your spiritual walk. Once you find this person or persons then commit to meet on a regular basis (I meet every other week during lunchtime). Be patient and realistic about building trust with each other. This takes time and a willingness to both give and receive trust.
Don’t give up; remain consistent.
I’ve had a couple of relationships that didn’t work out and I wanted to just give up, but I’m glad I didn’t because the impact of having a Christian accountability relationship that works has been incredibly life-changing.
You see, I believe that in this world of challenge and temptation we need each other in personal and intentional ways to help keep us where we want to be. If you want to grow in your passionate pursuit of life in Jesus, Christian accountability is indispensable. So my question to you is this, “who’s holding you accountable?”
Conquering Temptation With a Little Help from a Friend
By Pastor Gary Keith
Our church recently invited a nationally known speaker to come and share a message to the men at a breakfast. He did a great job. He was funny and inspiring and challenging. He shared from his life experience in ways that men could easily relate to. It was a great morning.
I had the privilege of meeting him for breakfast the day before. We had a great time getting to know each other. During our time together he asked me a thought-provoking question. He asked how he could make a lasting impact on the men he speaks to.
He realized that as he travels from place to place and speaks, that most men would only remember about 7% of what he said the next day. And the reality is probably most of the men will not make any life-changing decisions as a result.
My answer to him reflected my own experience.
I was raised in a church setting. I went to church twice on Sunday and every Wednesday night. That’s just what our family did. No doubt this has influenced my life. I became a Christian while I was young and I learned how to follow Jesus in this church. But there was a point in my life when I had to assess what influenced my life more. Was it listening to weekly sermons and special speakers or being in an intentional relationship with other men focused on growing in my faith?
As I gave an answer to our speaker at that breakfast, it was clear that my life was most affected by connecting with other men in an ongoing intentional relationship focused on growing as a Christian.
I didn’t know how he would respond to that answer but to my surprise, he also talked about his life and about how he regularly meets with two other men for the purpose of Christian accountability.
Before I go any further let me say, I would never stop the intake of great preaching or listening to great speakers teaching me and inspiring me to walk the walk of faith. But I can easily trace significant life transformation to my times with a very small group of men who I meet with on a regular basis.
These are men with whom a trusted relationship has been built. Men who are different from me. Men who are as committed to spiritual growth as I am. Men who I can count on in times of need, spiritual or otherwise. Men who will pray with me and I with them about real life issues. Men who are willing to ask me the hard questions that I need to be asked.
There are several passages of scripture that support this type of relationship.
For example, Hebrews 10:24 says, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” I Thessalonians 5:11 says to, “…encourage one another and build each other up…” And lastly a very familiar one from Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 that says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; if one falls down, his friend can help him up…”
Find Someone.
Let me encourage you to find a friend or two with whom you can build an intentional relationship designed to help you remain faithful to your spiritual walk. Once you find this person or persons then commit to meet on a regular basis (I meet every other week during lunchtime). Be patient and realistic about building trust with each other. This takes time and a willingness to both give and receive trust.
Don’t give up; remain consistent.
I’ve had a couple of relationships that didn’t work out and I wanted to just give up, but I’m glad I didn’t because the impact of having a Christian accountability relationship that works has been incredibly life-changing.
You see, I believe that in this world of challenge and temptation we need each other in personal and intentional ways to help keep us where we want to be. If you want to grow in your passionate pursuit of life in Jesus, Christian accountability is indispensable. So my question to you is this, “who’s holding you accountable?”
“Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9 NLT
If God’s way of thinking is literally light years ahead of ours, we shouldn’t be so surprised when He interrupts our plans with the unexpected. These “God-surprises” will often happen at the most inconvenient times—and usually when we least expect it.
I had one recently. I was very excited about a new exercise strategy I had just figured out. In fact, I was calling it my “Plan D” for determined! (Plans A, B and C hadn’t worked out so well). I was sure this time my idea was going to succeed.
And for a while it was as I was swimming merrily along at my local YMCA…and then it happened.
These unplanned moments—the ones that we can’t take any credit for—are often our greatest opportunities.
After swimming a few more laps I stopped to catch my breath, and as I did, the man in the next lane over started chatting. What’s important to understand here, in case you’re not a swimmer, is that swimmers don’t chat. We swim!
I found myself becoming more and more irritated with this stranger. The key to my plan D was exercising on my lunch break, so my time was very limited.Minutes were ticking away. Finally, when he paused for a moment I turned to bolt, and as I did, he blurted out, “I’m an atheist!”
This is where God does what I like to call the “Big Switcheroo”—where He replaces my human plans (which are temporary) with His (which are eternal).
Expect that God will put you in just-the-right-place at just-the-right-time in order to share your faith.
When God gives us these opportunities we have to make a choice. Do we surrender to God’s will? Do we carry on with our own?Do we lean in and embrace what God is doing, or do we turn away and miss out?
I struggled for a moment as my “precious” Plan D started swirling down… down… the drain, but eventually I did lean in—and as I did—God changed myheart: from disappointed and frustrated to more caring and concerned, from feeling inadequate to trusting God. As we say, “yes” to God—He takes over.
In those unexpected God-moments, we must remember that He has placed us there. He planned it—so we can trust Him with it!
“When we tell youthese things, we do not use words that come from human wisdom. Instead, we speak wordsgiven to us by the Spirit, using the Spirit’s words to explain spiritual truths.” 1 Corinthians. 2:13
Too often we turn away from these God-designed moments because we think we need to have all the answers. We don’t.
All God asks of us is that we trust Him to use who we are and what we know for His glory in a particular situation.
I didn’t try to debate with “John” (the chatty atheist). I felt God leading me in a very different direction. After listening to more of his complaints, I shared with him how much God loved him. I told him that I believed God set this whole thing up so I could tell him so. I reminded Him (knowing the nature and character of God) that God had been there for him throughout his life: reaching out to him, protecting and providing for him, and most of all, I told him that God had created him for a personal relationship that was motivated by His love.
Though earlier he had bombarded me with a barrage of “whys?” and a long list of complaints—now John was completely silent. Speechless.
People need to hear about the love of God more than anything else. It’s the missing piece in the lives of too many people.
“For God SO LOVED THE WORLD that He gave…” John 3:16
Since God’s thoughts are so much higher than ours, and because He sees and loves and longs to help all the people in the world who are lost, lonely, and confused—people who are all around us, we shouldn’t be too surprised when He unexpectedly interrupts our plans and replaces them with His. No, I think it should be quite the opposite—we should be living lives of faith that are counting on it!
Expecting the Unexpected
by Pastor Marnie Grigsby
“Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9 NLT
If God’s way of thinking is literally light years ahead of ours, we shouldn’t be so surprised when He interrupts our plans with the unexpected. These “God-surprises” will often happen at the most inconvenient times—and usually when we least expect it.
I had one recently. I was very excited about a new exercise strategy I had just figured out. In fact, I was calling it my “Plan D” for determined! (Plans A, B and C hadn’t worked out so well). I was sure this time my idea was going to succeed.
And for a while it was as I was swimming merrily along at my local YMCA…and then it happened.
These unplanned moments—the ones that we can’t take any credit for—are often our greatest opportunities.
After swimming a few more laps I stopped to catch my breath, and as I did, the man in the next lane over started chatting. What’s important to understand here, in case you’re not a swimmer, is that swimmers don’t chat. We swim!
I found myself becoming more and more irritated with this stranger. The key to my plan D was exercising on my lunch break, so my time was very limited.Minutes were ticking away. Finally, when he paused for a moment I turned to bolt, and as I did, he blurted out, “I’m an atheist!”
This is where God does what I like to call the “Big Switcheroo”—where He replaces my human plans (which are temporary) with His (which are eternal).
Expect that God will put you in just-the-right-place at just-the-right-time in order to share your faith.
When God gives us these opportunities we have to make a choice. Do we surrender to God’s will? Do we carry on with our own?Do we lean in and embrace what God is doing, or do we turn away and miss out?
I struggled for a moment as my “precious” Plan D started swirling down… down… the drain, but eventually I did lean in—and as I did—God changed myheart: from disappointed and frustrated to more caring and concerned, from feeling inadequate to trusting God. As we say, “yes” to God—He takes over.
In those unexpected God-moments, we must remember that He has placed us there. He planned it—so we can trust Him with it!
“When we tell youthese things, we do not use words that come from human wisdom. Instead, we speak wordsgiven to us by the Spirit, using the Spirit’s words to explain spiritual truths.” 1 Corinthians. 2:13
Too often we turn away from these God-designed moments because we think we need to have all the answers. We don’t.
All God asks of us is that we trust Him to use who we are and what we know for His glory in a particular situation.
I didn’t try to debate with “John” (the chatty atheist). I felt God leading me in a very different direction. After listening to more of his complaints, I shared with him how much God loved him. I told him that I believed God set this whole thing up so I could tell him so. I reminded Him (knowing the nature and character of God) that God had been there for him throughout his life: reaching out to him, protecting and providing for him, and most of all, I told him that God had created him for a personal relationship that was motivated by His love.
Though earlier he had bombarded me with a barrage of “whys?” and a long list of complaints—now John was completely silent. Speechless.
People need to hear about the love of God more than anything else. It’s the missing piece in the lives of too many people.
“For God SO LOVED THE WORLD that He gave…” John 3:16
Since God’s thoughts are so much higher than ours, and because He sees and loves and longs to help all the people in the world who are lost, lonely, and confused—people who are all around us, we shouldn’t be too surprised when He unexpectedly interrupts our plans and replaces them with His. No, I think it should be quite the opposite—we should be living lives of faith that are counting on it!
As many of us reflect back on Sanctity of Life Sunday and on the March for Life going on around the nation last January, I wanted to write an article to explore non-legislative ways that Christians can be advocates for unborn children. This is not because I think legislation is unimportant. I think it is vital for believers to champion legislation that would protect unborn children. I also think that part of the calling for Jesus’ church is to be a prophetic voice to the culture by serving as its conscience. That said, we cannot necessarily control what happens with the laws of the land. We can, however, continue to champion and protect the sanctity of life regardless of the values of our society. Here are five suggestions.
1. Teach Your Children
For those of us who are adults, much of what we consider to be “normal” depends on what was normal in our family or origin. If it was normal in your family for people to yell at one another, this is probably normal to you today. If it was normal in your family to be thrifty and save for the future, this probably seems normal to you. If you want more people to treasure the value of unborn children, then pass this value along to your children.
Talk about it with them overtly. Share with them what God’s Word says, and talk to them about specific scenarios and how to handle them. Encourage them to follow God’s Word and save sex for marriage, but also make sure they know that you will bring support and care if they are part of an unplanned pregnancy. You have more influence than you think about how you influence the attitude of the next generation when it comes to abortion and unborn children.
2. Volunteer and Give
Some people criticize the pro-life movement, saying that we are pro-birth. They mean that we advocate for the baby to be born, but then do not support legislation that would help the mothers and the children after they are born. While I think this criticism is largely overblown, it is worth consideration. I don’t believe that a pro-life person, in order to be consistent, has to support large government programs because I don’t believe that we must look to the government as the solution.
There are many organizations, like Assure Pregnancy Clinic, which not only support the mother during the pregnancy, but also offer parenting classes, baby clothes, and ongoing counseling. When we give our finances and our time to organizations that provide poor and single mothers with much-needed resources, we are living out our pro-life position much more holistically.
3. Prioritize Your Family
Part of the tragic lie that fuels abortion is that children are a threat to a good and full life. In Scripture, we are conversely told that children as a gift and blessing from God. Our cries for the unborn ring empty if we treat our own children as an inconvenience. If we farm our kids out to be raised by others so that we can pursue our own dreams, we send the message that “rich” people have an unfair advantage because they can have kids without any significant sacrifice.
The fact is that even more than money and possessions, our kids want us! Make it a priority to spend time with your kids. Eat meals together, go on vacations, read, play games, pray and read Scripture together. If children of all ages are blessings and gifts, they are worthy of the sacrifices we make for them.
4. Use Your Voice
Not only can we teach our children about the sanctity of life, but we can also use our voice to influence others. This may be through writing articles or making videos.This may be through speaking boldly in conversations with friends and family. This may be through offering options to a woman you know who is experiencing an unwanted pregnancy. Don’t underestimate your influence on those God has placed around you.
If pro-life people stay silent, women are robbed of good options that are readily available to them. Prayerfully and courageously use your voice to advocate for vulnerable unborn children.
5. Offer Help
If we want to give our time and money to an organization that helps unborn babies and their mothers, we can do that immediately. But God may also bring us opportunities to offer help in a more personal way. We may end up being connected to a single mother or a pregnant woman who is in crisis.
God may call us to help financially, to babysit, or even to provide housing. We are called to keep our eyes peeled for ways to reach out personally to help any person who is in need. If you truly value the lives of unborn children, prepare your heart to be ready to chip in to help those who have made the good and brave choice to keep their children. When we do this, we are pro-life in a much fuller way!
Fully Pro-Life
As many of us reflect back on Sanctity of Life Sunday and on the March for Life going on around the nation last January, I wanted to write an article to explore non-legislative ways that Christians can be advocates for unborn children. This is not because I think legislation is unimportant. I think it is vital for believers to champion legislation that would protect unborn children. I also think that part of the calling for Jesus’ church is to be a prophetic voice to the culture by serving as its conscience. That said, we cannot necessarily control what happens with the laws of the land. We can, however, continue to champion and protect the sanctity of life regardless of the values of our society. Here are five suggestions.
1. Teach Your Children
For those of us who are adults, much of what we consider to be “normal” depends on what was normal in our family or origin. If it was normal in your family for people to yell at one another, this is probably normal to you today. If it was normal in your family to be thrifty and save for the future, this probably seems normal to you. If you want more people to treasure the value of unborn children, then pass this value along to your children.
Talk about it with them overtly. Share with them what God’s Word says, and talk to them about specific scenarios and how to handle them. Encourage them to follow God’s Word and save sex for marriage, but also make sure they know that you will bring support and care if they are part of an unplanned pregnancy. You have more influence than you think about how you influence the attitude of the next generation when it comes to abortion and unborn children.
2. Volunteer and Give
Some people criticize the pro-life movement, saying that we are pro-birth. They mean that we advocate for the baby to be born, but then do not support legislation that would help the mothers and the children after they are born. While I think this criticism is largely overblown, it is worth consideration. I don’t believe that a pro-life person, in order to be consistent, has to support large government programs because I don’t believe that we must look to the government as the solution.
There are many organizations, like Assure Pregnancy Clinic, which not only support the mother during the pregnancy, but also offer parenting classes, baby clothes, and ongoing counseling. When we give our finances and our time to organizations that provide poor and single mothers with much-needed resources, we are living out our pro-life position much more holistically.
3. Prioritize Your Family
Part of the tragic lie that fuels abortion is that children are a threat to a good and full life. In Scripture, we are conversely told that children as a gift and blessing from God. Our cries for the unborn ring empty if we treat our own children as an inconvenience. If we farm our kids out to be raised by others so that we can pursue our own dreams, we send the message that “rich” people have an unfair advantage because they can have kids without any significant sacrifice.
The fact is that even more than money and possessions, our kids want us! Make it a priority to spend time with your kids. Eat meals together, go on vacations, read, play games, pray and read Scripture together. If children of all ages are blessings and gifts, they are worthy of the sacrifices we make for them.
4. Use Your Voice
Not only can we teach our children about the sanctity of life, but we can also use our voice to influence others. This may be through writing articles or making videos.This may be through speaking boldly in conversations with friends and family. This may be through offering options to a woman you know who is experiencing an unwanted pregnancy. Don’t underestimate your influence on those God has placed around you.
If pro-life people stay silent, women are robbed of good options that are readily available to them. Prayerfully and courageously use your voice to advocate for vulnerable unborn children.
5. Offer Help
If we want to give our time and money to an organization that helps unborn babies and their mothers, we can do that immediately. But God may also bring us opportunities to offer help in a more personal way. We may end up being connected to a single mother or a pregnant woman who is in crisis.
God may call us to help financially, to babysit, or even to provide housing. We are called to keep our eyes peeled for ways to reach out personally to help any person who is in need. If you truly value the lives of unborn children, prepare your heart to be ready to chip in to help those who have made the good and brave choice to keep their children. When we do this, we are pro-life in a much fuller way!
How many times have you asked someone how they’re doing and their reply is simply, “Well, I’m busy,” and then they proceed to give you a list of all the things that they’re busy doing. Why is this? It’s because the idea of being busy is currently a badge of honor in our SoCal culture. It’s like if we’re not busy then we’re not accomplishing all that we should be accomplishing. If we’re not busy then something must be wrong with us because we can do more. We are a busy culture and quite frankly this business is not good for us. Business can take us down the road to a breaking point.
I know myself and I know that I can get busy. And when I get too busy things start falling off my plate. I forget appointments, I get frustrated with things that take me away from my busy plans, I drive too fast, I hurt people with my words. I have learned that being busy is not really a badge of honor. There is a better way to live.
What we need is margin.
In his book, Margin, Richard Swenson says, that margin is “the space that once existed between us and our limits. It’s something held in reserve for unanticipated situations.” The truth is that without margin we live in the danger of overloaded lives. You and I aren’t wired to live without margin; we aren’t wired to live near our breaking point, yet too often this we live right up to our breaking point–everyday.
The late Dallas Willard, who authored several books on spiritual disciplines, was once asked to describe Jesus in one word. His answer? Relaxed. I thought that was a strange way to describe Jesus, but as I began to look at the gospels through the lens of that word I began to agree. Jesus’s pace is a far cry from a frantic, hurried life. Jesus was always in control, never seemed to be rushed, he never seemed bothered by interruptions. He wasn’t a workaholic and he often spent time alone in prayer – for hours. Jesus was relaxed and lived with margins.
But… margins are foreign to our cultural norms.
We value progress. Progress, after all, creates advances in technology, education, and affluence but it also devours margin. Progress asks for more in the name of being productive and also paints busyness as something good.
But when we live without margin, much of what suffers is both spiritual and relational. For example on the spiritual side, without margins, interruptions become frustrating roadblocks to our agenda rather than opportunities to see God. When we operate at or near 100% capacity, we have no time for interruptions. No opportunities to see God outside of our pre-decided to-do lists and jam-packed schedules. Yet I have learned (I might add the hard way) that interruptions can be God’s way of getting his priorities into my “busy” schedule.
Your relationships will thank you.
Secondly, without margins, relationships can fall apart. The currency of relationships is love and love is first and foremost patient and kind. Love takes time; it grows slowly. Without margins both our spiritual and relational life suffers.
Let me encourage you to join me in doing fewer things, well. Listen, I’m not against progress and I’m not against being productive. But what I am against is living without margin.Leave open space in your day and week and month to allow God to give you rest or refreshment or to insert his opportunities into your margin filled life.
Finally, if you build this into your life the next time when someone asks how you’re doing you can say, “I’m living with margin and it’s making my life rich and fulfilling.”
Have You Reached Your Breaking Point?
We are too busy.
How many times have you asked someone how they’re doing and their reply is simply, “Well, I’m busy,” and then they proceed to give you a list of all the things that they’re busy doing. Why is this? It’s because the idea of being busy is currently a badge of honor in our SoCal culture. It’s like if we’re not busy then we’re not accomplishing all that we should be accomplishing. If we’re not busy then something must be wrong with us because we can do more. We are a busy culture and quite frankly this business is not good for us. Business can take us down the road to a breaking point.
I know myself and I know that I can get busy. And when I get too busy things start falling off my plate. I forget appointments, I get frustrated with things that take me away from my busy plans, I drive too fast, I hurt people with my words. I have learned that being busy is not really a badge of honor. There is a better way to live.
What we need is margin.
In his book, Margin, Richard Swenson says, that margin is “the space that once existed between us and our limits. It’s something held in reserve for unanticipated situations.” The truth is that without margin we live in the danger of overloaded lives. You and I aren’t wired to live without margin; we aren’t wired to live near our breaking point, yet too often this we live right up to our breaking point–everyday.
The late Dallas Willard, who authored several books on spiritual disciplines, was once asked to describe Jesus in one word. His answer? Relaxed. I thought that was a strange way to describe Jesus, but as I began to look at the gospels through the lens of that word I began to agree. Jesus’s pace is a far cry from a frantic, hurried life. Jesus was always in control, never seemed to be rushed, he never seemed bothered by interruptions. He wasn’t a workaholic and he often spent time alone in prayer – for hours. Jesus was relaxed and lived with margins.
But… margins are foreign to our cultural norms.
We value progress. Progress, after all, creates advances in technology, education, and affluence but it also devours margin. Progress asks for more in the name of being productive and also paints busyness as something good.
But when we live without margin, much of what suffers is both spiritual and relational. For example on the spiritual side, without margins, interruptions become frustrating roadblocks to our agenda rather than opportunities to see God. When we operate at or near 100% capacity, we have no time for interruptions. No opportunities to see God outside of our pre-decided to-do lists and jam-packed schedules. Yet I have learned (I might add the hard way) that interruptions can be God’s way of getting his priorities into my “busy” schedule.
Your relationships will thank you.
Secondly, without margins, relationships can fall apart. The currency of relationships is love and love is first and foremost patient and kind. Love takes time; it grows slowly. Without margins both our spiritual and relational life suffers.
Let me encourage you to join me in doing fewer things, well. Listen, I’m not against progress and I’m not against being productive. But what I am against is living without margin.Leave open space in your day and week and month to allow God to give you rest or refreshment or to insert his opportunities into your margin filled life.
Finally, if you build this into your life the next time when someone asks how you’re doing you can say, “I’m living with margin and it’s making my life rich and fulfilling.”
Grief is a journey. It takes us on a roller coaster of emotions.
Some days you can smile when you think of those you have lost and other days you can’t even get out of bed. Grief hits us like a punch to the gut any time of day and anywhere. How do we come alongside someone who has suffered a loss? What can we do? Often our words can cause pain to a person who is already hurting. Our intentions and hearts may be in the right place. We often ask, “what can I do?” The most important thing to know though is it isn’t our words that they need.
A grieving person isn’t looking to us to have the right thing to say.
Maybe you avoid grieving friends or family because you don’t know what to say. What you can give them is your time. Offer a hug or a prayer. Bring them a meal. Simply say, “I am sorry”, “I am here for you”, “I am praying for you”. Don’t fear their tears. Let them share their memories and favorite stories with you. It’s an important part of grieving. There are many stages of grief. Denial, anger, and depression, just to name a few. The final one is acceptance. Some stages come and go. Someone may go through one and revisit another later on. The first year is the most difficult because your grieving friend is experiencing all the “firsts” without the person or thing in their life they are grieving. First birthday, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, and first anniversary, etc. Sending a card, a text or calling them on those important dates can mean so much.
It reminds the grieving person that they or their loved one hasn’t been forgotten.
The first couple of months the person receives cards, flowers, food, and calls. But after a while that goes away. Then it gets quiet. That’s when they need you the most. Many people who are grieving will tell you the nights are the most difficult. When they are home and the business of the day is done. It can be lonely.
We don’t get “over” the death of a loved one. The world can often hurry us along in our grief. Telling us we should be over it. We should be better. We have to go “through” grief and come out on the other side. We come to a place where we can smile when we think of someone we lost. We can laugh when we share stories. We can find joy in the memories. That comes with time and healing. You can’t escape grief; you can’t run from it. The tears are part of the healing process. God is there in our tears, our anger, our loss. We need to cling to the hope we have in Jesus. “Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted”. Matthew 5:4. Grief isn’t exclusive to just the death of someone. People grieve loss for many different things. Divorce, loss of a job, moving away from loved ones, or an illness.
Remember that your grieving friend needs time. Don’t rush them. Be patient, be present, and just love them through it.
Shauntel Raymond is LBF Church’s LIFEcare Coordinator. If you need someone to talk to, our LIFEcare ministry can help. Go to the LIFEcare web page and contact Shauntel there.
Grief is a journey. It takes us on a roller coaster of emotions.
Some days you can smile when you think of those you have lost and other days you can’t even get out of bed. Grief hits us like a punch to the gut any time of day and anywhere. How do we come alongside someone who has suffered a loss? What can we do? Often our words can cause pain to a person who is already hurting. Our intentions and hearts may be in the right place. We often ask, “what can I do?” The most important thing to know though is it isn’t our words that they need.
A grieving person isn’t looking to us to have the right thing to say.
Maybe you avoid grieving friends or family because you don’t know what to say. What you can give them is your time. Offer a hug or a prayer. Bring them a meal. Simply say, “I am sorry”, “I am here for you”, “I am praying for you”. Don’t fear their tears. Let them share their memories and favorite stories with you. It’s an important part of grieving. There are many stages of grief. Denial, anger, and depression, just to name a few. The final one is acceptance. Some stages come and go. Someone may go through one and revisit another later on. The first year is the most difficult because your grieving friend is experiencing all the “firsts” without the person or thing in their life they are grieving. First birthday, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, and first anniversary, etc. Sending a card, a text or calling them on those important dates can mean so much.
It reminds the grieving person that they or their loved one hasn’t been forgotten.
The first couple of months the person receives cards, flowers, food, and calls. But after a while that goes away. Then it gets quiet. That’s when they need you the most. Many people who are grieving will tell you the nights are the most difficult. When they are home and the business of the day is done. It can be lonely.
We don’t get “over” the death of a loved one. The world can often hurry us along in our grief. Telling us we should be over it. We should be better. We have to go “through” grief and come out on the other side. We come to a place where we can smile when we think of someone we lost. We can laugh when we share stories. We can find joy in the memories. That comes with time and healing. You can’t escape grief; you can’t run from it. The tears are part of the healing process. God is there in our tears, our anger, our loss. We need to cling to the hope we have in Jesus. “Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted”. Matthew 5:4. Grief isn’t exclusive to just the death of someone. People grieve loss for many different things. Divorce, loss of a job, moving away from loved ones, or an illness.
Remember that your grieving friend needs time. Don’t rush them. Be patient, be present, and just love them through it.
Shauntel Raymond is LBF Church’s LIFEcare Coordinator. If you need someone to talk to, our LIFEcare ministry can help. Go to the LIFEcare web page and contact Shauntel there.
Have you heard of mom guilt? We all know what guilt feels like but I didn’t feel real guilt until I became a mom. Ending each day thinking of all the things that I did or didn’t do right! It was so intense when my kids were toddlers. Social media has made it worse because you see other people making homemade organic bread and cutting their kids sandwiches in special shapes or making homemade baby food. What’s wrong with the jar of Gerber or the pre-made bread? NOTHING!
What about when we sin? Where does that guilt come from?
John MacArthur says, “The conscience is a built-in warning system that signals us when something we have done is wrong. The conscience is to our souls what pain sensors are to our bodies: it inflicts distress, in the form of guilt, whenever we violate what our hearts tell us is right.”
We are wired this way. The Holy Spirit is alive in us as believers. When we sin we are often immediately ridden with guilt and shame. You can also feel that before you are about to sin.
God always provides us a way out.
And He promises us in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”
He provides a way out! What a beautiful promise–to know I am not alone in the world–that I don’t have to face temptation all by myself.
But wait! There’s more…
The Lord promises us in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Read this verse every day, pray on it. Remember his faithful promise to you. Find someone you trust and share your burdens. Often just saying it out loud takes a big weight off your shoulders. Try finding someone you can meet with regularly to share and help keep you accountable. Also, find a small group. The beauty of a small group is you have a place to share and grow in your faith with people in a similar life stage.
Psalm 32:1-5 say’s “Happy is the person whose sins are forgiven, whose wrongs are pardoned. Happy is the person whom the Lord does not consider guilty and in whom there is nothing false.”
I know that I am forgiven but often I struggle with forgiving myself.
I pray each day and ask for the Lord’s forgiveness but I am not allowing for his gift and promises when I don’t forgive myself. There are many reminders in the Bible about being forgiven. Who am I to reject this blessing? You hear people say, “put the past in the past.” That’s exactly where it belongs. Ask for the Lord to remove your guilt and bring you peace.
You ARE forgiven and you ARE loved!
Remember this: “No power in the sky above or in the earth below–indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:39
Let Go of Guilt and Remember God’s Promises
by Shauntel Raymond
Have you heard of mom guilt? We all know what guilt feels like but I didn’t feel real guilt until I became a mom. Ending each day thinking of all the things that I did or didn’t do right! It was so intense when my kids were toddlers. Social media has made it worse because you see other people making homemade organic bread and cutting their kids sandwiches in special shapes or making homemade baby food. What’s wrong with the jar of Gerber or the pre-made bread? NOTHING!
What about when we sin? Where does that guilt come from?
John MacArthur says, “The conscience is a built-in warning system that signals us when something we have done is wrong. The conscience is to our souls what pain sensors are to our bodies: it inflicts distress, in the form of guilt, whenever we violate what our hearts tell us is right.”
We are wired this way. The Holy Spirit is alive in us as believers. When we sin we are often immediately ridden with guilt and shame. You can also feel that before you are about to sin.
God always provides us a way out.
And He promises us in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”
He provides a way out! What a beautiful promise–to know I am not alone in the world–that I don’t have to face temptation all by myself.
But wait! There’s more…
The Lord promises us in 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Read this verse every day, pray on it. Remember his faithful promise to you. Find someone you trust and share your burdens. Often just saying it out loud takes a big weight off your shoulders. Try finding someone you can meet with regularly to share and help keep you accountable. Also, find a small group. The beauty of a small group is you have a place to share and grow in your faith with people in a similar life stage.
Psalm 32:1-5 say’s “Happy is the person whose sins are forgiven, whose wrongs are pardoned. Happy is the person whom the Lord does not consider guilty and in whom there is nothing false.”
I know that I am forgiven but often I struggle with forgiving myself.
I pray each day and ask for the Lord’s forgiveness but I am not allowing for his gift and promises when I don’t forgive myself. There are many reminders in the Bible about being forgiven. Who am I to reject this blessing? You hear people say, “put the past in the past.” That’s exactly where it belongs. Ask for the Lord to remove your guilt and bring you peace.
You ARE forgiven and you ARE loved!
Remember this: “No power in the sky above or in the earth below–indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:39
There is no debating the fact that abortion is a hot topic in our culture. And there is also no debate that there is a worldview clash when it comes to conversations about abortion. For anyone who wants to advocate and care for unborn babies, it is wise to know the central battlefronts in our culture right now. This post will walk through three clashes that are current battlefronts when it comes to the conversation about abortion in our country.
My Body, My Choice
It is impossible to delve very far into the abortion debate without hearing the slogan “My body, my choice.” This basically communicates that no one else gets to decide whether or not a woman has an abortion because abortion is a person choice about what she does with her body.
When speaking with Evangeline Sanders, Director of Development at Assure Pregnancy Clinic, she brought out the fact that many women who are reluctant to keep their unborn baby have not even come to grips with the idea that there is another person in the equation. The fears and the objections all relate to the woman’s life—school, work, finances, shelter—without yet thinking about the life of the baby. In fact, many women who end up having ultrasounds are surprised to see how clear and plain it is that it is a baby growing inside their womb.
When the realization comes that there is more than one person impacted by the decision of abortion, this changes everything. Giving dignity to the child—and bringing to bear the undeniable reality that it is a child—is a key battlefront.
I Shouldn’t Speak Up
Related to “My body, my choice” is the idea that other people—especially men—are not supposed to speak up about this “personal” choice that a pregnant woman is making. Some people probably abide by this simply because they think it is the respectful thing to do. Others choose not to speak up because they have been rebuked when they have spoken up. This leads to a culture of silence surrounding pregnancy and abortion.
If nothing else, we need pro-life people to speak up so that when an unplanned pregnancy comes about, seeds have been planted. Seeds of the truth that unborn babies are created in the image of God and are worthy of dignity and protection. Seeds of the truth that men take their proper place in the world not by staying quiet when their wife or girlfriend is pregnant, but by reassuring them and by taking responsibility for the child. Seeds of the truth that a woman’s church family will be waiting and ready with grace and help and support no matter the situation. Silence leads to isolation and fear. When we choose not to speak up, we leave vulnerable people on their own.
As a note, we are wise to realize that there will be blowback if we speak up about abortion. This goes with the territory. Jesus himself said, “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33). The Apostle Paul said, “Everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” (2 Timothy 3:12). Opposition does not mean that we are doing something wrong. Speaking up with grace and truth is God’s calling for God’s people.
I Am on My Own
In my conversation with Evangeline, she also said that many of the women she speaks with say that they would never have got an abortion if the child’s father had spoken up and given support. But they chose abortion because they were convinced that they were on their own. And, ironically, the slogan “My body, my choice” is very isolating. It tells a vulnerable woman that the full weight the decision is on her. Abortion is fueled by vulnerable pregnant women being convinced that they are on their own.
This means that one of the greatest things that any of us can do is to partner together with women (and couples) who are pregnant and vulnerable. This can happen in formal effort (like volunteering at Assure Pregnancy Clinic) and in informal ways (coming alongside those who God has brought into our paths). We were not created to be on our own (Genesis 2:18), and so it is profound and powerful when the church of Jesus Christ offers the comfort and help that Jesus himself wants to give.
For a woman who is isolated, abortion can feel like a great option. For a woman who has support, all sorts of other options suddenly become viable.
Pro-Life Battlefronts
Pro-Life Battlefronts
There is no debating the fact that abortion is a hot topic in our culture. And there is also no debate that there is a worldview clash when it comes to conversations about abortion. For anyone who wants to advocate and care for unborn babies, it is wise to know the central battlefronts in our culture right now. This post will walk through three clashes that are current battlefronts when it comes to the conversation about abortion in our country.
My Body, My Choice
It is impossible to delve very far into the abortion debate without hearing the slogan “My body, my choice.” This basically communicates that no one else gets to decide whether or not a woman has an abortion because abortion is a person choice about what she does with her body.
When speaking with Evangeline Sanders, Director of Development at Assure Pregnancy Clinic, she brought out the fact that many women who are reluctant to keep their unborn baby have not even come to grips with the idea that there is another person in the equation. The fears and the objections all relate to the woman’s life—school, work, finances, shelter—without yet thinking about the life of the baby. In fact, many women who end up having ultrasounds are surprised to see how clear and plain it is that it is a baby growing inside their womb.
When the realization comes that there is more than one person impacted by the decision of abortion, this changes everything. Giving dignity to the child—and bringing to bear the undeniable reality that it is a child—is a key battlefront.
I Shouldn’t Speak Up
Related to “My body, my choice” is the idea that other people—especially men—are not supposed to speak up about this “personal” choice that a pregnant woman is making. Some people probably abide by this simply because they think it is the respectful thing to do. Others choose not to speak up because they have been rebuked when they have spoken up. This leads to a culture of silence surrounding pregnancy and abortion.
If nothing else, we need pro-life people to speak up so that when an unplanned pregnancy comes about, seeds have been planted. Seeds of the truth that unborn babies are created in the image of God and are worthy of dignity and protection. Seeds of the truth that men take their proper place in the world not by staying quiet when their wife or girlfriend is pregnant, but by reassuring them and by taking responsibility for the child. Seeds of the truth that a woman’s church family will be waiting and ready with grace and help and support no matter the situation. Silence leads to isolation and fear. When we choose not to speak up, we leave vulnerable people on their own.
As a note, we are wise to realize that there will be blowback if we speak up about abortion. This goes with the territory. Jesus himself said, “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33). The Apostle Paul said, “Everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” (2 Timothy 3:12). Opposition does not mean that we are doing something wrong. Speaking up with grace and truth is God’s calling for God’s people.
I Am on My Own
In my conversation with Evangeline, she also said that many of the women she speaks with say that they would never have got an abortion if the child’s father had spoken up and given support. But they chose abortion because they were convinced that they were on their own. And, ironically, the slogan “My body, my choice” is very isolating. It tells a vulnerable woman that the full weight the decision is on her. Abortion is fueled by vulnerable pregnant women being convinced that they are on their own.
This means that one of the greatest things that any of us can do is to partner together with women (and couples) who are pregnant and vulnerable. This can happen in formal effort (like volunteering at Assure Pregnancy Clinic) and in informal ways (coming alongside those who God has brought into our paths). We were not created to be on our own (Genesis 2:18), and so it is profound and powerful when the church of Jesus Christ offers the comfort and help that Jesus himself wants to give.
For a woman who is isolated, abortion can feel like a great option. For a woman who has support, all sorts of other options suddenly become viable.
